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dwell cut me see through me |
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insomnia = hope Friday, Aug. 06, 2004 - 5:04 am Insomnia is destined to plague me for an eternity regardless of what I choose to do in life. I'll forever be the one that watches her fall asleep... the one that stays up to touch her hair, gazing upon her peaceful face... the one that wishes this moment could last forever, knowing that everything great is always evanescent, free flowing, and perpetually changing... It's those nights that make me happy that I'm alive. Those are the moments that make me hope and dream... They make me realize that I can do so much more than I think I'm capable of... They say that insomnia is a sleeping disorder. I disagree... It is a source for inspiration, and the driving force within me. The people I meet and touch throughout time, all have a significant meaning to my existence. But every once in awhile, I'll encounter someone who I'll be willing to risk everything and put in every ounce of energy I have, in order to salvage what I consider the most beautiful thing in the world... time spent with them... I'll never forget that, even if our paths are never meant to cross again. Insomnia teaches me this... Even if it's been months or years since I've talked to these people, they somehow make a reentrance when I'm restless. Nature and I were on the same wavelength this evening. Torrential downpour hammered on street pavement, cars, and unsuspecting people as I found out the news that shattered me today. It was as if she somehow knew how I was feeling. In a tribute, she painted the most beautiful picture to appease me... I hold the true pleasure of it in my head, forever locked away, for I couldn't quite capture the breathtaking scene on camera. My hands shaking from punching various objects sparked by my anger earlier in the day, I couldn't keep the camera still enough to get any shots without blur. Regardless, here's a fraction of what I felt today... Nature's dedication to... my life... my drama... and my grief for knowing that regardless of what I try or do, I realized today that my heart will always save a place for the people that have touched me the most. I can never give myself completely to someone anymore. I am torn, stained, and used... Indeed, I have insomnia again... and I always will...
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